in like.

so i like him. i've liked him for almost 2 weeks. for 1 week, i didn't think him liked me, and it made me like him even more.

monday, him asked me to spend the day with him. him did not say "let's chill" ( the first time i ever "chilled," i ended up on my back -_-) and that made me question him and his feelings.

but today, tuesday, i didn't know how to feel about him. him mentioned our "outing" and i said i would go. but now that i know him likes me, do i still like him? want him?

or maybe him just wants to go out as friends.

i hope i still like him.
something about him is different than the rest.

really though,

i didn't know that my prom dress meant so much to me. i mean, i really disliked prom, a lot. 2 years ago and i haven't worn the dress since.

yesterday, my mom tells me that her friend's daughter can't find a prom dress and wants to borrow mine.

WHAT THE FUCK!

first off, who asks to borrow a prom dress. that's like saying "hi, i know you bought this dress for your wedding, but i can't seem to find one, can i borrow yours?" seriously, i never heard of anybody wanting to BORROW somebeody else's prom dress. for most, when your a senior in high school, prom is pretty much the most highly anticipated event of the year. your telling me that of all the hundreds of boutiques and stores you can't find a dress that you like??

i mean, the dress shouldn't mean that much to me, but it does. it was pretty expensive, but pretty gorgeous. i don't even know if i'll ever wear it again, but i know i can't let it go.

i'll be seeing you.

I feel that sunday's are the best day for reflection haha. About two weekends ago, there was a "The Hills" marathon on MTV since this season is its last season. In high school I was so enthralled by Lauren and Heidi's drama, and so mad that they couldn't resolve the friendship. Watching the same episodes two weeks ago however, I saw it all from a different perspective.

Friendships, or i guess Relationships in general, are essential in making us who we are. But what happens when a relationship falls apart? The past two years have been very hard for me because I watched friendships I had deteriorate into nothing. I think the worst part was knowing that I wasn't cared for or appreciated anymore. Everyday, I would beat myself up for doing this and not doing that, and it would drive me crazy. Eventually though, and fortunately, I realized that living and thinking this way was extremely unhealthy and kinda obsessive.

So I decided to forgive. I decided to forgive myself for evil and childish things i've done. I've decided to forgive those who found it to best to desert me or "cut me off." Without forgiveness, your just consumed with hate and sadness and regret that you can do anything about. I chose to forgive because I was tired of living in my past self, I felt it was the best and only way to move forward.

To me, I felt that Lauren saw her relationship with Heidi the same way. She was grateful for the times they spent together, and had forgiven her for her wrongdoings. But she knew that they would never be friends again, because there are some things that can be fixed, and some things that you have to let go. And I have decided to let go, and I'm enjoying the beauty of loving and accepting myself for my faults and my past insecurities, and embracing this newly discovered person.

p.s. "I'll Be Seeing You" by Billie Holiday goes nice with this post, just sayin =]

hello freedom, kinda.

i haven't posted in a minuteeeeeeeeeeeeee, but im back! i finished my last final yesterday, but i don't really feel FREE yet. i still feel like i shouldn't be on here and maybe studying for somethin else haha, whatever, that'll fade soon enough.

so in the last couple of weeks, i got senegalese twists in my hair. i'm currently transitioning and i wanted a nice summer style that would protect my hair and be fun. I LOVE IT, i will be wearing these a lot. hmmmm, ooooh! i got a job!!!! my friend and I were supposed to go job shoppin this weekend, and i'll be startin work on monday, crazyy. its an office job, so im sure i'll be posting a lot just out of boredom -_- haha.

andddddd, thats it for now, but im really ready for summer, seriously.