I feel that sunday's are the best day for reflection haha. About two weekends ago, there was a "The Hills" marathon on MTV since this season is its last season. In high school I was so enthralled by Lauren and Heidi's drama, and so mad that they couldn't resolve the friendship. Watching the same episodes two weeks ago however, I saw it all from a different perspective.
Friendships, or i guess Relationships in general, are essential in making us who we are. But what happens when a relationship falls apart? The past two years have been very hard for me because I watched friendships I had deteriorate into nothing. I think the worst part was knowing that I wasn't cared for or appreciated anymore. Everyday, I would beat myself up for doing this and not doing that, and it would drive me crazy. Eventually though, and fortunately, I realized that living and thinking this way was extremely unhealthy and kinda obsessive.
So I decided to forgive. I decided to forgive myself for evil and childish things i've done. I've decided to forgive those who found it to best to desert me or "cut me off." Without forgiveness, your just consumed with hate and sadness and regret that you can do anything about. I chose to forgive because I was tired of living in my past self, I felt it was the best and only way to move forward.
To me, I felt that Lauren saw her relationship with Heidi the same way. She was grateful for the times they spent together, and had forgiven her for her wrongdoings. But she knew that they would never be friends again, because there are some things that can be fixed, and some things that you have to let go. And I have decided to let go, and I'm enjoying the beauty of loving and accepting myself for my faults and my past insecurities, and embracing this newly discovered person.
p.s. "I'll Be Seeing You" by Billie Holiday goes nice with this post, just sayin =]
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